Long time no see.

I’m not sure why but I feel compelled to write about some things which have been going through my mind, not just about any random thing but I suppose you can get the gist of the subject after reading.

It’s been clear to me that I can get depressed a bit too easily sometimes, maybe too often aswell for my own good or for others to feel like I’m a happy enough person to hang around. It’s not something I want to expect to feel after every time I’m out with my friends be it clubbing or a party, which makes me feel all the more awkward when I do. After all I want to enjoy the time I spend with people, it’s been my objective this summer to be out with as many of my friends as often as I can so I have a plethora of memories and happy times to look back on.

I used to go through times where I got depressed for no reason at all, it would just creep up on me without warning. Didn’t feel good either that my Mum would repeatedly wonder if I was alright when I came back from school depressed despite nothing necessarily bad having happened to me that day. Admittedly there were times though college where those days would come back to haunt me, but I feel I have managed to escape the worst of those a while ago.

As pathetic as the following may sound, more often than not I felt that it was this underlying feeling of loneliness I seem to have follow me around that causes me to feel down. I shouldn’t do really, I have plenty of good friends who are there for me and a good family. Back in secondary school it was this loneliness combined with how unpopular I seemed to be that made me appreciative of any acts of kindness or conversation that I got from people, especially girls. That itself might not have been good for me, as for every girl that would regularly talk to and/or be nice to me I would hope that they liked me enough to want to be my girlfriend and of course I was mistaken in every case I had of it.

Once again I kind of feel like I’ve perhaps had that sort of experience happen to me through college and perhaps still am now, that in trying to ignore how many couples I happen to be around that I would wander what it would be like to be in a relationship with certain girls I know or want to get to know. But a good friend of mine said to me online recently that “I should remember when being nice is just being nice”, and I keep in mind what she said as a sort of wake-up call.

Speaking of clubbing though I have actually been out clubbing for the first time recently and what a night that was, it was great to be out in that kind of atmosphere with my friends and I hope to be out again soon. I was left with some questions though, part way through the night a mutual friend of mine and the people I was with at the nightclub joined us on the dancefloor and we were all happy to see her. Over time her and I got dancing together and we got close, now I don’t know if that’s just normal etiquette in that environment or whether she was enjoying dancing with me, and she was looking at me in a certain way which almost said “well what are you waiting for?”. But then shortly after I discovered she had found another guy to dance with and get close to so I was left wondering if I had just missed an opportunity.

Apologies though if through what I have said I either come across as desperate or ungentlemanly, it’s just like I mentioned earlier in that I am grateful for any sort of contact or attention a girl gives me and in the spirit of the saying “life is for living” that I should perhaps make the most of an opportunity rather than be left like I was thinking about what could have been.

Putting what I have said aside, there is one girl who I know that I really do like at the moment. I can hardly find the words to describe how amazing she is, to me she has the likeness of an angel, one of the sweetest hearts you’ll ever find and well whenever I’m around her she makes me very happy indeed. Though I’m unsure if she knows this, even though I have sent her a message to her inbox confessing how I feel for her but perhaps she either doesn’t check it or has read it but doesn’t want to do anything about it.

I don’t think I have anything else I can say, apart from thankyou for reading.

I’m not sure why but I feel compelled to write about some things which have been going through my mind, not just about any random thing but I suppose you can get the gist of the subject after reading.

It’s been clear to me that I can get depressed a bit too easily sometimes, maybe too often aswell for my own good or for others to feel like I’m a happy enough person to hang around. It’s not something I want to expect to feel after every time I’m out with my friends be it clubbing or a party, which makes me feel all the more awkward when I do. After all I want to enjoy the time I spend with people, it’s been my objective this summer to be out with as many of my friends as often as I can so I have a plethora of memories and happy times to look back on.

I used to go through times where I got depressed for no reason at all, it would just creep up on me without warning. Didn’t feel good either that my Mum would repeatedly wonder if I was alright when I came back from school depressed despite nothing necessarily bad having happened to me that day. Admittedly there were times though college where those days would come back to haunt me, but I feel I have managed to escape the worst of those a while ago.

As pathetic as the following may sound, more often than not I felt that it was this underlying feeling of loneliness I seem to have follow me around that causes me to feel down. I shouldn’t do really, I have plenty of good friends who are there for me and a good family. Back in secondary school it was this loneliness combined with how unpopular I seemed to be that made me appreciative of any acts of kindness or conversation that I got from people, especially girls. That itself might not have been good for me, as for every girl that would regularly talk to and/or be nice to me I would hope that they liked me enough to want to be my girlfriend and of course I was mistaken in every case I had of it.

Once again I kind of feel like I’ve perhaps had that sort of experience happen to me through college and perhaps still am now, that in trying to ignore how many couples I happen to be around that I would wander what it would be like to be in a relationship with certain girls I know or want to get to know. But a good friend of mine said to me online recently that “I should remember when being nice is just being nice”, and I keep in mind what she said as a sort of wake-up call.

Speaking of clubbing though I have actually been out clubbing for the first time recently and what a night that was, it was great to be out in that kind of atmosphere with my friends and I hope to be out again soon. I was left with some questions though, part way through the night a mutual friend of mine and the people I was with at the nightclub joined us on the dancefloor and we were all happy to see her. Over time her and I got dancing together and we got close, now I don’t know if that’s just normal etiquette in that environment or whether she was enjoying dancing with me, and she was looking at me in a certain way which almost said “well what are you waiting for?”. But then shortly after I discovered she had found another guy to dance with and get close to so I was left wondering if I had just missed an opportunity.

Apologies though if through what I have said I either come across as desperate or ungentlemanly, it’s just like I mentioned earlier in that I am grateful for any sort of contact or attention a girl gives me and in the spirit of the saying “life is for living” that I should perhaps make the most of an opportunity rather than be left like I was thinking about what could have been.

Putting what I have said aside, there is one girl who I know that I really do like at the moment. I can hardly find the words to describe how amazing she is, to me she has the likeness of an angel, one of the sweetest hearts you’ll ever find and well whenever I’m around her she makes me very happy indeed. Though I’m unsure if she knows this, even though I have sent her a message to her inbox confessing how I feel for her but perhaps she either doesn’t check it or has read it but doesn’t want to do anything about it.

I don’t think I have anything else I can say, apart from thankyou for reading.

P.S.  If you noticed the names in the tags section, think carefully if you try to match them to what I’ve typed.

Current song playing: Coldplay- Rainy Day

WARNING: IF YOU INTEND ON READING JOHN GREEN’S BOOKS BE AWARE POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOLLOW IN THIS POST, other than that thanks for reading XD The song in the title is one of the song’s from Coldplay’s EP titled “Prospekt’s March”, which gladly has been the soundtrack to my sunny days riding on the bus reading John Green’s marvellous books. I enjoyed them so much I now feel compelled to write about them, so here goes:

Looking for Alaska:

Blimey what a book to start seriously reading on, I don’t know of any other book which has actually emotionally moved me. It’s about a guy called Miles going to a boarding school in Alabama and he ends up meeting rather interesting people, notably a girl called Alaska. Miles I can relate to due to his unpopularity in mainstream educational places and a notable ability to remember lots of things about a certain subject (in his case people’s last words, in mine Formula 1). Seeing his raport with Alaska slowly grow as the book goes on filled me with a little glow of happiness as I felt so pleased for him, here’s this ordinary guy searching for his “Great Perhaps” and yet he finds what I can only describe as a completely fascinating girl. I felt as if I was standing in Miles’ very shoes as he was astounded (not just by her physical appearance) by just how different and mysterious she was, the prankster she was, how literary adept she was. Such a mind she had I couldn’t help, like Miles, but be drawn to her and to know more about her. One thing I was surprised about was how much Miles mentioned his observations of how many layers of clothing stood between him and Alaska, but hey I suppose some things can’t be helped but think about in the situations he was faced with hehe. But then I was emotionally stirred once again, to read about Alaska’s demise just shocked me completely. To think such a wonderful creature could just disappear like that just made me not want to believe she was gone, that she shouldn’t be gone and that things just don’t seem right without having the Alaska spin on the world. Perhaps this is a straightforward way of looking at it, but I thought that Alaska could be Miles’ “Great Perhaps”, but maybe the process of seeing her/having her/losing her as a whole could be classed as his “Great Perhaps”. The one life changing event which ensures a person never is the same again. I would recommend this book to anyone, if they can feel like how this book made me feel then it’s a job well done by you Mr Green. I can’t wait for the film next year.

An Abundance of Katherines:

This was a fun book to read, this book is about Colin who remarkably has been in a relationship (and dumped by) 19 girls all named Katherine and he sets out to create a formula that can predict the duration of any relationship between two people. Now how I’m studying Maths at college and the whole idea of being able to predict how a relationship will go appeals to me, I was very interested to see how Colin would do. He struggles with how his prominence as a child prodigy is a blessing and a curse, I mean to be a prodigy means you learn things which have already been proven but very fast and very well, but to be a genius requires figuring out new things that no-one else has. This unfortunately is his Achillile’s Heel. But this leads him on a journey to find out whether he can matter to the world, and if he will be anything more than just a child prodigy. This spoke to me in a sense as I myself have questioned the matter of…well mattering, whether I can be of use to the world or if I will ever have a unique skill or ability which I can use to make a difference. To be more than just another guy. This book makes for a great summer read, the formula is very interesting as is Colin’s ability to anagram almost anything, and John Green’s footnotes provide his mix of intelligence and humour which makes me come back everytime on his vlogbrother’s YouTube channel. I mean if there’s a reason why you’d watch a video on politics why not because the guy doing it is rubbing Peanut butter all over his face while he explains it to you?

Paper Towns:

If you like mystery, well my friend you’ve come to the right place. Although personally me being absolutely rubbish at thisisnottom.com I didn’t think I stood a good chance of being able to figure out the ending of the book before it told me haha. This book is about a guy called Quentin, and his neighbour Margo. They’ve known eachother for as long as they can remember, and have seen some rather interesting things together. Margo to me was one of the most spontaneous people you could ever meet, but yet the irony in that is her spontaneous happenings she plans it through most thoroughly. I liked reading about Margo expressing how her vision of Quentin in her imaginary world slowly proved to actually be the Quentin she knew all this time, but what a journey it could have been eh? To see Margo and Q travelling the width and breadth of the country doing all sorts of wonderful things. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

So anyway that’s it, I hope it made for good reading as I wanted to write about this for some time.

Current song playing: Coldplay- Lost!

“Just because I’m hurting,

Doesn’t mean I’m hurt,

Doesn’t mean I didn’t get what I deserved,

No better than the worst,

I just got lost,

At every river that I tried to cross,

And every door I ever tried was locked,

Oh and I’m just waiting ’till the shine wears off”

I don’t think I’ve used that song before, apologies if I already have.

You know, I’ve been thinking *groans from the audience, odd one or two walks out*, and rather spontaneously I managed to find a rather good analogy for how I deal with life. Maybe my humble abode of readers may like it too.

Think of my life as driving a rally course at full speed with an arm tied behind your back, sounds bizarre I know I thought so too but bear with me.

Said tie I believe is this faulty circuit of a mind that I have, a sort of limiting factor perhaps, useful for something but not always the best thing to have in important situations such as the rally course. Onlookers will be amazed as the sheer audacity of it, maybe get the wrong impression and see it as a daft search for attention and nothing will ever be achieved through it so they pass the driver by.

So because of the limiting factor I have to drive slow I guess, so that I can make sense of my surroundings and prepare myself for the onslaught of hazards being thrown my way one after another they come. I have to drive slow not only due to the course’s hazards but so I can protect my co-driver. Everything and everyone that is important to me, my guiding light who without would leave me a hapless and hopeless wreck. Of course I have to drive slow for them, if I didn’t all I’d do is cause them harm, lose tham and ruin the course for all the recklessness things I’ve done, and where would that get me?

But then again, my co-driver spurs me on, “go faster, we can win this!” they say, I have faith in them but I can’t bring myself to speed up. What if I lose control? If I go too fast I’ll lose everything, but if I go too slow I’d be letting them down and I wouldn’t be able to make something of myself. And so this leaves me confused, stuck between two conflicting characteristics. The racer, or the cruiser?

So here I am, at the start line once again, can I grow so that I can break free to the ties holding me back or will I just lose all drive?

The start lights are counting down…

Current song playing: 4Music presents Coldplay

It’s been a while since I wrote a post about a dream I had but I thought a dream I had a couple of nights ago would be worth writing about.

 

I was sitting in the crowd inside my secondary school’s drama hall next to Fia when a performance that we had gone to see together started up. I can’t really remember what it was about but I was just enjoying the experience of going to see something with a close friend of mine, then a bit of a surprise occured when Fia stood up and made her way towards the stage which bemused me a little. Oddly though the performers were moving about in a way that they expected Fia to go onto the stage and even the music in the background was building up to a gap where someone would start singing. Surely enough Fia then walked up to the microphone and started singing, and my goodness she was good. I’m not saying this because of personal opinion (even though I bet Fia is a better singer than she makes out to be in real life) because I remember that when she was singing I thought to myself “this is just beautiful”. It turned out that she was actually part of the performance all along so that was a pleasant surprise, but it invoked such admiration of her from me when I was listening to her so I waas glad to have enjoyed it.

 

So anyway that was my dream, hope you all had a good weekend.

It’s The End Of Konoha As We Know It…

That’s great, it starts with a kyuubi, fox and snakes, and Sakura

Yamato is not afraid. Centre of the chakra flow, listen to him explode

Sai serves his own needs, regardless of their own needs. Seems to leave his stuff

Pen, books, ink too. Naruto seems to fall from height, big height. Sword in a fire, got to protect the Hokage in the middle of a combat site. Trying to make a deal with Kabuto down your neck. Time after time Naruto baffled, hurt, feeling rough. Look bridge is gone! Fine then. Uh oh, Naruto, got a punch to the face. Save yourself, stuff yourself. You’ll be eating ramen soon, eating like a red baboon. Orochimaru to your right, you’re still exhausted from the fight-fight. Getting red, redder, redder still, you’re getting pretty psyched!

 

It’s the end of Konoha as we know it

It’s the end of Konoha as we know it

It’s the end of Konoha as we know it and I feel fine.

 

Eight o’clock- getting dark. Start to hear yourself bark. Slash and burn,

You don’t learn, shadow clones don’t work! Teach him a new skill then go kill,

If you’re not ill. Every move getting bored. The enemy had just yawned. Light a candle, form a plan.

Get up, get up. Shikamaru up! Up! Uh oh, it’s troublesome- for some. Bend your shadow, steer clear.

Chuunin is, chunnin exam is off. Offer them support now, offer it now before they decline!

 

It’s the end of Konoha as we know it

It’s the end of Konoha as we know it

It’s the end of Konoha as we know it and I feel fine.

 

The other night I heard the Kazekage had died. Ichibi had flied.

Deidara the bomber. Sasori the puppet. Itachi and the other guy.

Deidara got some clay, went boom! Aren’t you glad, he didn’t try to blow up us instead?

 

It’s the end of Konoha as we know it

It’s the end of Konoha as we know it

It’s the end of Konoha as we know it and I feel fine…fine…

 

(It’s time I stopped this song)

Fia inspired poetry #2

For all the lonely ones,
Who live in a search of a friend,
The sadness of solitude,
Leaves them forgetting one thing.

They may not know it,
A brief gaze will show it,
They have never been alone,
As they were never left behind by the shadow.

The shadow knows you,
As you know it,
It never leaves you,
As you can never leave it.

So be kind to your shadow,
Never resent it, never despise it,
For if there is one thing you can always rely on,
Will be the shadow’s everlasting prescence.

It will always be there for you

Fia-inspired poetry #1

Reminiscing thoughts that fell from trees inside your head,
Imagination greater than any book I’ve ever read,
A bunny hops along and asks if you want a chat,
He wore a top hat,
And next to you he sat,
Handing you a cup of tea.

Works best when singing the words along to “Mr Fancypants” by Jonathon Coulton.

Schmex On Fire

Basically this is an idea I had inspired by a conversation about how interesting it would be for the Kings Of Leon’s “Sex On Fire” to be renamed “Schmex On Fire”, so here goes:

 

What’s that you’re saying?

Did you make a sound?

I know you said something,

Something.

All this commotion,

To save what you can,

I heard people talking,

They’re saying, they’re saying…

You.

Your schmex is on fire.

There you are standing,

Just like yesterday,

Your force keeps me driving,

Driving.

There’s something about you,

That stands out to me,

From everyone else,

From everyone else…

You.

Your schmex is on fire.

Just you.

You’re the only one I see.

What can be done now,

to get you stay?

Can nothing be done?

Done?

If it’s not forever,

If it’s just tonight,

Our time will still be the greatest,

The greatest,

The greatest…

You,

Your schmex is on fire.

You,

Your schmex is on fire,

Just you.

You’re the only one I see.

You,

Your schmex is on fire,

Just you.

You’re the only one I see.

Hope that wasn’t too bad…

Haiku #1

Just a little poetry thing, felt like writing it.

 

Sunday afternoon,

A relaxing time of day,

To just slip away…

 

Arigatou.

Current song playing: Feeder- Itsumo

 

“Too many times I watched you leave, I didn’t say anything”

Not much to report on in terms of interesting things that have happened to me over the past few days, I just felt like writing this poem. It doesn’t have a title yet so feel free to suggest one:

This is to the girl who got away
That I shared my first kiss
Who couldn’t face me that fateful day
And required another to break us up.

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This is to the girl who moved away
That I had little courage to speak to
Who was gone that fateful day
And I’m unable to lay eyes her again.

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This is to the girl who got taken away
That was my only friend
Who got kidnapped that fateful day
And left me alone once more.

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This is to the girl who lives far away
That made the time I spent with her joyful
Who never knew I wanted her that fateful day
And who I hope to meet again.

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This is to the girl who took my breath away
That introduced herself to me like no-one else
Who taught me what it was to love that fateful day
And will never be forgotten.

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This is to the girl who will love me one day
That will make me happy
Who I will endeavour to do the same
And be at peace with the world.

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Thankyou for reading.

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P.S. Sorry if you get confused by the “br”’s, I’m just trying to get this thing to recognise line breaks.